I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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