I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
