Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
