Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This house was built for laser tag.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
