I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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