Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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