the new term for farting is butt boxing.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
