i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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