Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think i got beer on your cat.
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