I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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