woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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