i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
