i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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