u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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