If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
