DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
