Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
