Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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