you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
