just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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