There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
