so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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