i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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