I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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