I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
