last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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