Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
