I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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