Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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