shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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