how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wish my penis had a tongue
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
