i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
