So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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