Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
