That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
