His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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