I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
