Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
