I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
