Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
