thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
