look no pants
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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