this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
