Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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