I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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