Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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