but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
love makes seman taste better
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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