I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
