I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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