So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
