Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
